Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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