Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
