Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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