I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just forgot I was standing up.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
