i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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