Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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