I am puke
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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