Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
