Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
