I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My penis needs a shock collar
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
