Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
