Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
