I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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