Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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