Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
