At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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