Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
