he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
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You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
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I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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