dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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