The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
