eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
