I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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