xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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