Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize