god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
