Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
