I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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