She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
