he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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