oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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