We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
