I will die if light touches me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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