Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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