then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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