Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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