a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
