Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My bed smells like the plague
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
