At least make sure they are 18
Why
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
im holly from the hills drunk
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Randomize
