I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
