I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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