i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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