My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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