I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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