So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
