Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
