I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
