Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
