some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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