oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
