THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
