On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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