Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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