for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
