im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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