the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize