Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
