no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
