I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
