I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
