i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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