my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
