She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize