Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
